The fact that you are looking up signs that he’s not going to commit to you, should tell you that deep down you already have your doubts, and perhaps, your answer. When you think about your relationship, you feel anxious and nervous. You may even be confused due to him sending you (what you think) are ‘mixed signals’. He may be pulling away or you may even question if he is cheating on you?
The fact is, there are some clear signs that he will NEVER commit to you. So, if you want to avoid wasting any more time on this guy and want to know where you stand, then it’s time to take an honest look at the 10 signs why he will never commit to you:
He Tells You He Doesn’t Want a Relationship
Well, this is something you have to believe. REGARDLESS of anything else he tells you, LISTEN to these words. He. Doesn’t. Want. A. Relationship. It doesn’t matter if the sex between you is amazing. It doesn’t matter that when you are together you feel an incredible connection. It doesn’t matter that he holds you tight and makes you feel special or that he stares at you with such intensity that SURELY it must be love? Nope. It’s not.
When a man tells you that he doesn’t want a relationship (regardless of the excuse) – that is exactly what he means. There are a million different ways for him to say it to you, “I’m not over my ex”, “I’m not in a good place right now”, “financially I’m not where I want to be”, “work is really busy and I don’t have time” or “I’ve been hurt in the past”. Whatever the excuse…..that is what it is. If a man wants to be with you, then he will move mountains to be with you. FULL STOP.
2. He Doesn’t introduce You to His Family
Every time you raise the question about his family, he seems to avoid it or makes some excuse. He will attend family events without you and/or uses the excuse that he doesn’t want to have to worry about you whilst he is catching up with them or that there is a language issue (you both have different cultural backgrounds). He may even try the “my family are very judgemental/pushy/rude etc. and he doesn’t want to put you in that position. Whatever the excuse, if he isn’t introducing you to his family, then you are not the girl he wants a future with.
3. He Puts His Needs Before You
Sometimes this isn’t an easy one to spot. Most women are ‘givers’. We nurture those we love. We show our love by taking care of those that we love. Men, well most men, are takers. They love to be looked after and some of them become quite selfish. In our need to please, we tend to give and give until we realise one day that the other person is not giving back. If your guy is always putting his needs before you, then you know that he isn’t serious about you. If he was in love with you (or wanting a commitment with you), your needs would become important to him as he would want to make you happy. Paying attention to what he ISN’T doing is more important than what he is.
4. He Doesn’t Make Time for You in His Life
I read a quote once that stated “Some talk to you in their free time and some free their time to talk to you. Learn the difference”. I find this statement to be very true. If something is important to you, you MAKE the time. If you feel indifferent, then you will get to it if and when you can be bothered. If your guy treating you this way? Is he constantly busy with other people or activities and you only get the ‘scraps’? Basically, when he wants some physical action or if he has nothing better to do? You know you deserve better than that..!!
5. He Doesn’t Include You in Big Decisions That He Makes
If he is changing his major at school or planning on buying a house and you find out through is friend or by accident – then you have a problem. A guy who sees you as someone in his future will want you to be a part of the decision process. What he decides will impact you and so your opinion counts. If he isn’t asking for your opinion or even informing you that he needs to make a decision, that his way of telling you that you are not significant enough to him and you are not in his future plans.
6. He never gets jealous
Now…..I think this is a big one. If you’re out at a club and a cute guy comes over and starts chatting you up, if your guy doesn’t make it obvious that you are together or makes it clear that you are his woman, then you have a problem. A guy who wants to be in a committed relationship with a woman will make it very clear that YOU are HIS woman. I’m not saying he needs to lose his cool and start throwing punches (well I hope not anyway) but he should come over and put his arm around you or even introduce himself to the guy whilst making it clear that you are together. It’s natural to feel a bit jealous when someone makes the moves on your partner, if you are in love with them. If he doesn’t see you as someone important and someone he wants a future with, he really doesn’t care who is making the moves on you.
7. He Doesn’t Make an Effort with Your Family
If he doesn’t want to go to any of your family events or makes very little effort with your family, then you have a problem. If he wants to be with you, he will want your family to like him or accept him. Sometimes no matter how hard you try, people will not like you BUT what is important here is that he TRYS. If he makes no effort, then you have a problem. This also ties in with not accepting your cultural differences. If he makes negative comments about your cultural differences or doesn’t want any part of them, this can be a problem if you are proud of your heritage.
8. He Doesn’t Put Any Effort into Dating You
Are you always the one chasing him, texting him, planning the dates, working around his schedule? Does he go days, maybe even weeks, without contacting you? A guy who is committed will ALWAYS contact you. It literally takes 10 seconds to send a text. It doesn’t matter how busy he is or what is going on in his life. Also, if he isn’t planning exciting or romantic plans for you, then you just aren’t that special to him. A guy that is committed will want to spend time with you and puts thought into events together.
They don’t have to be extravagant plans that cost a lot of money but they need to have thought put into them. I dated a guy who was student and because he didn’t have much money, he packed a picnic lunch with my favourite foods. He brought a blanket and a candle and we had a romantic meal on the beach at night. It was amazing!!! Even spending an evening at home, cuddled up on the couch, watching a movie together. He just needs to show that you are special to him and he wants to spent time with you…..and only you!!!
9. He Doesn’t Plan Things Too Far in Advance
If he won’t commit to going to an event a couple of months in advance, that is a red flag. He doesn’t know where he will be in a couple of months (most likely not with you) so he doesn’t want to feel tied to an event with you (plus he doesn’t want to waste his money). Someone who wants to make a commitment has no problem with making future plans. If he doesn’t, that means you are not in his future. Simple.
10. When You Try to Talk About a Commitment, He Finds Excuses or Avoids the Conversation
There always seems to be an excuse. He’s busy or the timing just isn’t right or he’s happy with how things are etc. He keeps pushing the ‘goal post’ (so to speak). He will give you a commitment once he finishes school or once he gets to where he wants to be in his career or once you don’t argue for a certain amount of time.
I’ve seen women tiptoe around their guy because each time they disagreed about anything he would state that he wasn’t sure if they were really compatible and so wanted to give the relationship a bit more time before agreeing to an actual ‘committed’ relationship. Crazy!
However, it is something that happens more often than you think. Be careful of not falling for his ‘story’. It’s fine to give him a little time to allow for whatever excuse he is using BUT once you have been together for two years or more – well this excuse is just that. An excuse!!
